I know, and I believe you know as well,

 that repressing and suppressing does nothing but create illness. The dis-ease created may be a low-grade anxiety or fear that follows you for a lifetime, or it may rise into more aggressive illnesses. Either way it reduces your quality of life, because repression of any part of your beautiful nature lowers your frequency.  

From where I stand now, I know with certainty that I experienced an extremely painful intimate relationship, so that I would be forced to wake up and choose myself.  The wisdom I gained from that choice has led me to be able to stand fully in my deep, embodied knowing that the shadow self, if not acknowledged, accepted and loved, will destroy your life.


“the

shadow”

If you can’t see it

Then it doesn’t exist

I live like this

But the pain persists

Shut out the noise

And close my eyes

Lies, lies, lies

Back of the closet

Behind the bed

Lost in that pile

Don’t unravel the thread

Behind the dresser

Behind the drawer

Ignore, ignore, ignore

What is that tapping

That gnawing pain

Trouble erupts and

I push it away

What is that pinch

I feel to awake

I just fake, fake, fake

How many times

The same lesson learned

Touch the flame

And then hide the burn

Ignore the pain

And the wisdom learned

Forward, forward, forward

If you can’t see it

Then it doesn’t exist

I live like this

But the pain persists

Shut out the noise

And close my eyes

Lies, lies, lies.

Despite all my resistance to facing her (my shadow), my painful life circumstances pushed me to a point where I had to take the steps and face the shame and hold myself in love rather than my usual self-loathing and fear

That’s when EVERYTHING began to change.

When I took that next step to honour my sovereignty, this sent a message to my soul, that I was going to Become the One for myself. I was going to become my protector, my wise and grounded father, by learning what healthy boundaries were and how to enforce them. And I was going to become my soft place to land, as the most compassionate and loving mother I could ever want.

 

I was going to meet my own needs.

I was going to learn to trust myself.

〰️

I was going to learn to trust myself. 〰️

I came down here to rock and roll

Calling out across the waves

Lord, take this pain away

 

I am the Priestess of my soul

Claiming now my ancient role

Clawing my way back to the shore

I’m the One I’ve been waiting for.

I am the Priestess of my Soul

I am on an incredible journey. I am healing through my vulnerability. The very thing I was most repulsed and disgusted by for many decades.

I used to actually have a physically sick response if I was asked what I desired or wanted in an intimate relationship setting. I had no idea what I wanted, let alone how to communicate it, so to be asked, was an awful triggering feeling. All I could feel was the desire to run in fear, lash out, or shut down.

Back then I had no boundaries, and I prided myself on being so independent, that I had no needs.

Now I heal through my soft open heart, communicating my needs and speaking my boundaries.

As the wounded soul that I was,

it is no wonder I ended up in a deep trauma bond with another very wounded soul. What ensued for 20 years and 2 children, was a deeply toxic and abusive relationship that I didn’t want to admit and couldn’t fully understand. Here I was on one hand, in a very successful career as a well-respected teacher, and doing an excellent job as a mother of two children. On the other hand, I was in denial about how deeply unhappy and how utterly defeated I felt in my private life. My own shame kept me from seeing my worth. It didn’t occur to me that I deserved to simply feel safe in my own skin.

 

Why would it?

I realize now, I had never felt safe in my own skin.

We choose what is familiar.

 

Deep and sacred love was the most alien thing to me, in fact when I saw a couple I knew experiencing this, I created ways to avoid being around it. I was so jealous but wouldn’t admit that to myself.  How could I?  I had no idea how to take steps from the relationship and place I was so stuck in. It was a completely foreign longing that at the time I did not believe was ever possible for me. I felt I was too broken.


 

Twenty years of rolling and tumbling in the deep, that was my journey.

Twenty years of facing evidence after evidence of the destructive nature of my buried shame and my repressed shadow, while not even knowing what my shadow was.

Twenty years of deep and dark pain, and then finally my inner strength and awakening of self-love and worth began to stir strong enough to begin my path of healing and change.

“the dragon

i created”

I don’t remember the exact day

Or way

That I created the dragon

That protected my tender sweetheart

But I know that I did

And there in the depths of my fiery being

I imprisoned vulnerability, trust, boundaries and self-worth

And there they sat

Engulfed in flames

Burning pain

And burning shame


And I don’t remember the exact day

Or way

That I awoke to my courage

And my power

But I did

And I am

Again and again and again

And I thank the dragon

For his fierce protection

Of my treasured heart

That I could not

Risk exposing

And together we rise.


I knew deep and powerful sacred love was for me. I could feel that for the first time in my life, I would be able to receive it.

And I dated and explored and made poor choices and loved myself and then, when I was 48 years old —- I met my king; one August weekend in 2021.  (I’ll save that story for another time!)

I became the One for myself

I took all the shame I had buried, and I learned how to love and hold myself and my shame, until it no longer triggered me.

And I rose, unfurling my leaves and beginning to open my petals.

Pure Sacred Divine Magic unfolded, and continues to every day.

“how”

I was ready

To feel through your heart

That I am worthy

I am beauty

I am able to exude love

In every season.

 It is with the deepest gratitude

That I thank the universe and the angels

Hovering above us

That life orchestrated our meeting

When the leaves were still shining

When the breeze of summer

Was still golden

When the sky opened up

And the rains fell from heaven

When angels whispered into our hearts

“Be here now”

And that, my love, is

How.

In just one season of the fall

Touched by the wisdom of the tree

I have let my dead leaves drift away

And naked I have stood

In front of you

And you have

Seen me and held me

In your fiercely tender, loving heart

As I am

Through the version I wanted to uphold

Through my believed brokenness

Through my fears of unworthiness.

How can it be

That finally

I am ready to receive

When love eluded me

For so long

That I thought

It wasn’t possible for me

To feel the openness of a heart

That is loved as is

As I am

To sink into the serenity

Of safety

Of bliss

Without the show

The performance

The alertness

The guarded woundedness that I

Thought love was.

Already through one season of the fall

Like wind-blown leaves stripped from trees

I have been stripped of old thoughts, patterns

And ways that held me

Prisoner in my mental cage.

This love is a healing love on every level for me.

〰️

This love is a healing love on every level for me. 〰️

 

My story from toxic abuse to sacred divine love is real and true.

I am here on this earth as a role model.

I am here to show you that it is possible.

I know how hard it feels. Trust me. I had so much resistance, so much negativity, so much self-loathing.

And I found my way through.

Let me help you.


And so here I AM now.

For Myself and for You.

To be my compassionate witness and yours.

To support you to excavate what has been buried.

To be the lighthouse for you when you forget your divinity.

I am here as proof, that meeting your shame and loving your shadow self is the surest way to raise your frequency and rise into the light of who you truly are.

I stand in my vulnerability now.

Healing is a journey. I have come a very long way. And I know there is more to uncover and heal in myself.  I am journeying alongside you.

“I Heal in a

Spiral”

I heal in a spiral,

ascending slowly

to heaven.

 

I heal in a spiral,

giving me opportunity

to revisit the same wounds

with a fresh perspective.

I heal in a spiral

to lovingly see

how far I’ve come.

 

I heal in a spiral

because it is much stronger

than one straight line.

I heal in a spirl

to be certain

that my hard-won lessons

have created true

inner strength.

I am here to share my experiences and tools and creative visions with you.

Let’s Begin…

Have a look…there are so many different ways to work with me.